'An old lady collapsed, people screamed and officials argued amid the pandemonium as patriots scrambled for yellow t-shirts going for195 baht each yesterday.'

No, Thailand hasn't suddenly developed a world class football team, bribed the judges and catapaulted itself into the World Cup.  We here are in the grip of a different kind of fever.  For this weekend, His Majesty King Bhumbibol Adulyadej celebrates 60 years on the throne, making him the longest reigning monarch anywhere, EVER.

'On the last day of official t-shirt sales, at Government House by 9am a thousand bargain hunters had already packed the second floor, panting for air... an old lady turned pale and became dizzy, falling to her knees.  As people behind kept pushing and shoving, the waiting crowd started shouting and screaming, but officials steadfastly denied their demands.  One person suggested, "Guess we need to smash the (meeting room) door, grab a T and flee." '

I didn't read this in the Bangkok Post until I got home from Tesco, disappointed to find the t-shirts with royal insignia were no longer on sale.

The royal guest list for the weekend is huge, from the Queen of Spain to the Emperor of Japan to the Sultan of  Brunei with his 11 wives.  Unfortunately Queen Lizzie won't be able to make it - she's busy  picking cat  hairs off her sofa - but she's sending  Andy instead.

Meanwhile, back on the streets of Thailand, 50% of the population is clad in this (possibly not-so-fethching) yellow t-shirts.  And, I have to admit, I find myself looking at them a little jealously.  For I am one of the sorry few who wasn't quick enough off the mark, too busy marking Grade 1 homework.  What a fool!

In my household, we've thrown around ideas  like mugging little old ladies for their shirts, or jumping over back walls to raid washing lines.  But at the end of the day, it looks as though we'll have to leave Bangkok with our tails between our legs this weekend (a five day weekend, as befitting of such an auspicious occasion) - hop on a train to  the rural provinces to hide in our yellow-t-shirt-less shame. 

Somewhere with TV, though.  For if we can't proudly participate in one of the biggest events in Thai history, then at least we can catch that first England match on Saturday night.